Loving Others

When we are feeling unloved and depressed and empty inside, finding someone to give us love is not really the solution.--Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.

Each of us wants to be significant to someone else. And we are - we're significant to all the lives we're touching at this very moment.

The emptiness we sometimes feel is a good reminder that the women and men in our lives need our attention. Too much self-focus fosters our feelings of loneliness, and then with desperation we look to others to fill us up. The paradox is that we heal ourselves while offering our attention to another who is, by design, on our path.

It is not by chance our lives are intertwined. Loving someone today will heal two wounds, ours and theirs.

Attitude (Click to enlarge and read)

Lesson in Contentment

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. Philippians 4:11 (NIV)
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Here are four steps to develop contentment in your life.
1. Stop comparing yourself to others. When you compare your life with someone else's, the only place it can lead is toward discontentment. There will always be people who appear to be better off than you, but you don't know their real circumstances.
I recall counseling a husband many years ago, and he said he wished his wife could be more like so-and-so, and he named a woman in our congregation. What he didn't know is that the woman was a functioning alcoholic causing incredible heartache and stress for her family and for her husband.
That's why the Bible teaches it is unwise to compare (2 Corinthians 10:12).
2. Be grateful for who you are and what you have. Learning to be content requires that you stop any "when and then" thinking - "When I am ___________, then I'll be happy." (You fill in the blank.)
The reason we fall into this trap is that we may actually be content for a little while but it won't last. But, more than likely, someone else or something else will come along and drain the contentment from your life.
But listen, you are unique. God created you to be like nobody else, so why would you want to be anyone else. God is perfect, and you were his perfect choice to be you. Understanding that is a huge step toward being content with your life.
And then look at all the things God has given you. So often we allow what we don't have to so dominate our focus that we forget the many wonderful things we already have, not only material blessing, but far more important things, such as family and friends.
3. Give yourself to others. If you will begin giving yourself to others, sharing what things you do have, sharing your time and your talents, you will find yourself learning to be content. Helping others will give you an appreciation for what you have and who you are, but more importantly, you will find yourself growing content. Why? Because God designed us to serve and share with others, and until we do that, we will feel great discontent.
4. Focus on things with eternal value. The real secret to becoming content is to focus on the things that have eternal value. It may be a familiar teaching to you, but Jesus said we should store up our treasures in heaven, and not on earth "where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal" (Matthew 6:19-21 NIV).
Think about the things in your life: What will last forever? What will last at least for your lifetime? What will last a few short years, or months, or days? Based on eternal value, what things are most important in your life? Where - and with whom - should you put your most time and energy?
By re-organizing your life around eternal priorities, you'll find yourself growing in contentment as you live according to God's design and purpose.

Spiritual Growth Is Intentional

Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Philippians 2:12-13 (NLT)
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The truth is that growth in the human soul requires a commitment to grow. A person must want to grow, decide to grow, and make an effort to grow.
Spiritual growth begins with a decision. It doesn't have to be a complex decision, but it does have to be sincere. When Jesus' followers decided to choose his way, they didn't understand all the implications of their decision. They simply expressed a desire to follow him, and that was the beginning of an exciting journey of the soul. Jesus took that simple but sincere decision and built on it.
In Philippians 2:12-13, Paul offers insight into spiritual growth while speaking to people who already believe: "... continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" (NIV).
Notice that it says "work out" - not "work on" - your salvation. There is nothing you can do to save yourself spiritually; Christ took care of that by his life, death, and resurrection. The important thing to note is that God has a part in our growth - but so do we. We must make an intentional effort to grow.

Tips for the Holiday Season

1. Plan Each and Every Day of Your Holiday - Plan to spend the majority of your time with friends and family who are supportive of your recovery. If you are required to be present for a social gathering that could jeopardize your sobriety, bring a fellow CR member with you. Plan fun events and outings to replace your old drinking rituals.
2. Use downtime for quiet time praying, reading the Bible, and meditating on God's word
3. Ask for Support from Your Family and Friends - Those who are truly supportive of your recovery will be happy to help you throughout the holidays. Be up front and tell them your concerns.
4. Have a List of at Least Ten People you can call - Make a list and check it twice. Carry your cell phone and your list of names at all times.
5. Don’t Forget about Regular Exercise - Regular exercise is an essential component of any balanced recovery program. If you have extra time on your hands, it is a great idea to get out and exercise.
6. Stay Away from Slippery Places - There is absolutely no reason to ever check out your former favorite establishments. It is very likely that your old "friends" are still there and are still telling the same old stories.
7. Create New Traditions to replace your Old Drinking Patterns - Try something totally different during the holidays. Buy a new board game or take the family on a day trip. Use you imagination, be creative and have fun.
8. Write out a Daily Gratitude List - The quickest cure to get you out of the holiday blues is by counting your blessings. Be grateful for what you have by writing out a gratitude list every morning. Don’t stop writing until you have at least 10 items on your list.
9. Volunteer your Services to a Charitable Organization - There are many people in your community who are homeless and hungry. Why not volunteer to work at a soup kitchen or at a special Christmas dinner for those less fortunate than you? You will be helping not only the needy but yourself!
10. Write a Letter to yourself. How I Stayed Sober over Christmas. The act of writing your ideas on paper is very powerful. Write down all the activities and events that will help you have healthy happy Christmas. Now take action on them and make this letter come true!
11. Avoid H.A.L.T. - H.A.L.T. stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. There are very simple solutions for all of the above items. If you are hungry, get something to eat. If you are angry, talk to somebody about it. If you are lonely, go to a meeting or call a friend. If you are tired, get a good night’s sleep.
12. Live One Day at a time and Enjoy your Sobriety! - Stay in the moment. Have present time consciousness. Be in the now. These are all different ways of telling you to live 1 day at a time. Never mind about what happened or what could happen. Enjoy today. Live today. Celebrate your sobriety!

The 12 Steps and Their Biblical Comparisons

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behavior; that our lives had become unmanageable.
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. - Romans 7:18

Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
For it is God who is at work in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. - Philippians 2:13

Step 3: We made a decision to turn our life and our will over to the care of God.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. - Romans 12:1

Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD. - Lamentations 3:40

Step 5: We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.
Therefore, confess your sins to each other, and pray for each other, so that you may be healed. - James 5:16a

Step 6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. - James 4:10

Step 7: We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. - 1 John 1:9

Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
“Do to others as you would have them do to you.” - Luke 6:31

Step 9: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; and then come and offer your gift.” - Matthew 5:23–24

Step 10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! - 1 Corinthians 10:12

Step 11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly. - Colossians 3:16a

Step 12: Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and practice these principles in all our affairs.
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. - Galatians 6:1

The Road to Recovery

The 8 Principles Based on the Beatitudes

Principle 1: Realize I’m not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable. (Step 1)
Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor. - Matthew 5:3a

Principle 2: Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover. (Step 2)
Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. - Matthew 5:4

Principle 3: Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control. (Step 3)
Happy are the meek. - Matthew 5:5a

Principle 4: Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust. (Steps 4 and 5)
Happy are the pure in heart. - Matthew 5:8a

Principle 5: Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects. (Steps 6 and 7)
Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires. - Matthew 5:6a

Principle 6: Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others. (Steps 8 and 9)
Happy are the merciful. - Matthew 5:7a
Happy are the peacemakers. - Matthew 5:9

Principle 7: Reserve a daily time with God for self-examination, Bible reading, and prayer in order to know God and His will for my life, and to gain the power to follow His will. (Steps 10 and 11)

Principle 8: Yield myself to God to be used to bring this Good News to others, both by my example and by my words. (Step 12)
Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires! - Matthew 5:10